Not actually happy with chapter 3 or 4 or 5 also I learnt about POV

Sorry, sorry, not post blah blah, that’s normal really isn’t it. I have a lot to say but no time to say it. In this quick post, I just wanted to touch on why I’ve torn out a few chapters, combined a few others and rewritten more things. Since I’m new to this writing lark I’ve been absorbing as much info as I can on how to do it well. I’ve found some wonderful youtube channels and podcasts which I’ll link below. In the course of my learnings it became apparent I wasn’t using perspective properly, I wasn’t even aware of what perspective I was using, (badly). It also highlighted some problems with my point of view, in that it was weak and prone to change for no good reason. I’ll probably do a blog post on each subject and what I was doing wrong but for the time being, I just wanted to layout the changes I made and why I felt they were needed.

The first change I made, was to combine chapters 3 and 4, they were very short and were both meant to develop Lithia as a character so there was no reason to separate them. What was previously chapter 4 I’ve taken out of Becket’s point of view and rewritten it from Lithia’s. We were meant to learn about her during those scenes and having it told from her perspective allowed that. I also added a much better intro to Lithia’s strike suit. There’s meant to be a strong attachment between the character and her armour, and the intro I gave it was completely drab, you wouldn’t have paid any attention. I will probably revisit the introduction again to see if I can get it even more poignant, but it’s a massive improvement.

Examining the point of view I was using in the former chapter 5, now chapter 4, I defaulted to Becket because we ended the previous (very short) chapter with Becket’s, but with that now passed onto Lithia it didn’t quite gel. With the first half told from Becket then switching to Terra it was a mess, The whole thing was a mess actually, let me illustrate. The prologue was told from Mateo/Zara, chapter 1 & 2 from Lithia 3 from Becket, 4 from Becket Terra & Rhea, 6 from Rhea. A complete mess see. If I was using third person omniscient I could work around that, possibly, but I’d decided third person limited was best for my first story and I was head hopping heavily, no good. So now everything up to chapter 3 was Lithia, she’s the main character, we learned a lot about her and the world, all good. From chapter 4 I needed to decide who told the most interesting story, who grew the most or who did we discover the most about. That’s where our point of view lay, we learn a little about Becket and Terra through dialogue, but they are already established, confident and sure of themselves, not much room to tell a story. Rhea, on the other hand, is talented but unsure of herself, has been thrown into unfamiliar surroundings and has an undisclosed need to succeed. Much more potential for growth. That’s where my POV should be. In the course of re-writing chapters 5 and 6 to be from Rhea’s perspective, I went further than just changing the words for a new perspective and ended up telling much more about Rhea’s past than I originally intended. It was info that was going to be revealed at some point, but now as soon as we switch to Rhea’s point of view we know a little of her past and her admiration for the Colonel, I wasn’t sure if this was wise. It wasn’t an info dump, but more was revealed than I planned initially, but I think this was needed for what I have planned later.

In the end, I also realised I was showing not telling and this let me get a lot more feeling into the chapters. I’d love to hear any feed back you have, I haven’t fully rewritten 4 yet but the first half is there.

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

 

 

 

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A Bit Happy With Chapter 3

Happy enough to spread it about the internet like a disease, a quite benign one though. I’ve also given the map a bit of a face lift.

Read chapter 3 here! please.

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The first real chapter.

The prologue went well I though and now we have a chapter 1 is in a reasonable state. I did something cool in the stories with a popup system. If you see a link it’ll open a pop up with the piece of music that helped give me the idea for that section and you can play it if you want, closing the pop up doesn’t stop the song either so you can still listen while reading. I thought it was cool anyhow. In chapter one the main character gets introduced and hopefully comes across as the stoic badass I wanted her to be, laying into some bureaucrats and desk generals who’ve gotten themselves on her bad side. Read chapter one here and send me some feedback I’d honestly love to hear your thoughts.

See you next time

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Prologue, I wrote one.

I’ve mentioned the voices in my head before, story I mean the story in my head. Can’t remember how much but it’s often enough that no-one cares, well I’ve been squirrelling away, starting to write the thing without making much noise about it. So far it’s mostly unchecked brain spew but I’ve got 4 chapters of brain spew and a vague outline of things to come, though I wouldn’t recommend reading that till I’ve had a chance to proofread it properly. What I do have is a prologue that I’ve read through many times and is probably ready for public ridicule and nit picking.In all seriousness, I do want feedback on the story, good or bad. Please feel free to share your thoughts I would much appreciate your feedback either in a message or a comment.

Read the prologue here

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All over the place, as usual

Writing a story now… Youtube’s been on hold for a few months while I finish the streaming rooms renovations, made some good friends on twitch but only stream about once a week, didn’t stick with the game building very long,  gave up on the animation pretty quickly, stuck with the drawing for a while and improved a bit, but haven’t done that in ages. Yep sounds like business as usual for me.

Catch up with everything we’ve been up to.

 

 

 

Oh and I’ve learned to make awesome bread.

See bread, awesome

See bread, awesome

Any-who all these odds and sods, writing, making games, getting back into animation (I have a degree in it so shouldn’t be too hard) , getting good at drawing characters, was all towards the same goal of telling the sci-fi story that’s been bouncing round my head for the last 15 years. Ever since I started my first webcomic back in school I’ve been building this. I’ve probably posted the odd snippet or character sketch before, but I’ve actually been building a wiki of sorts behind this blog for a while. So after bouncing between pretty much every medium and moving on I’m now onto writing it as a story.

It’s a complete mess currently full of spoilers and essentially brain spew. I’m just trying to get things in order, at one point I had 2 complete walls covered in post-its just trying to get the organisation of the military sorted out. I’m rambling now, read my first bit of actual story writing here. it start about half way down the page, still a mess but I think it’s a start. Ordered a load of weight too gonna pick that back up again. Is this normal is this what normal people do, start tons of different thing and drop them after starting to make progress, who knows come join me on a stream some time.

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Trying

WIPI’m still trying , still forcing myself to produce drawing I don’t like in the hopes that one day I will like them, for the past 3 days I did nothing useful, that’s how I would put it. I think I was just relearning muscle memory, and how to use a pen again. today for at least a brief period marks seemed to be going down where I wanted them and I was happy with the figures and gestures I was pumping out. So that’s progress. I also managed to start my measuring stick piece.

I saw a video a little while ago from concept cookies YouTube channel the guy who does the live streams there re works an image every year to see how his skills have improved, so I’m doing that too. I’m trying to do a group photo of the characters from my story since I’ve never managed to put any of them down in a meaningfully way so this will be it. I took a day to find a pose/setup I was happyish with, I’ve realised I struggle to spontaneously come up with poses but practice should help that. I left it over night and today I worked on a scene and composition and some rough line work, not yet sure what the but thing is they’re sitting on, it’s either a rock or the severed hand of a giant robot. The work in progress is above, and today’s gesture drawing are below. I’m going to keep working on this image until it is the absolute best image I can do at my current level then in about a years time i’m going to revisit the piece and redo the idea as best I can then. Hopefully I should see some improvement.

gesture